A Presence I Haven't Felt Since (Phooo-heeeeee)

That's my attempt at making the Darth Vadar sound in words. Fail or no fail?

Regardless, the title refers to me on this blog! February? Seriously, Cole? Here's the problem - I have no time. But I need to make time. So here's an attempt at a post.

I've been reflecting lately on the past year, things I've learned and things I'm still learning. That's one thing about living in Wheaton, you're always analyzing things (whether this is good or bad is up for debate. I'm leaning bad, but there are good aspects.) So, here are two of them, and I hope you find them edifying.

First, I am really insecure. This week especially I see how I can read WAY too much into situations and interpret them very negatively. I really hate this aspect of my character, but to be honest for the first time in a while I feel this resolve to kick it in the teeth with the Gospel. I'm getting to the point where when an idea comes into my head, I can say "Cole, that is completely absurd, and you have no business even considering such a ridiculous idea." Now, I still have room to grow, but I'd like be thankful to God for working in my life in this way. An evidence of grace over the past year for sure.

Second, I am much better musician today than I was two years ago. Now, before you jump your guns to point out my pride, let me finish. Two years ago I was a senior at Wheaton (nuts...time flies) and hardly ever played the good old Martin (which could have it's own post someday...) in church. I slowly got into it, and now feel very confident in leading worship in CG on a Sunday morning. Now, this isn't a testimony to my "work ethic" or anything that I did, but rather me allowing God to use me with what I can only guess is a natural ability and love for music. I used to frustrate my dad all the time when I was in his class, because I never practiced. He used to tell me that if I practiced as much as he did, I'd be like 10x better. Well, thanks for passing on the talent, mom and dad. And praise the Lord for this desire he has placed in my heart to play and the immense privilege of playing music in His church. Soli Deo Gloria!

Third, I've realized that I am more of a perfectionist than I really thought. My theory on this is that most people would never confess that they are perfectionists, but that many of these people just do things pretty well and don't have to struggle with it. In the past year, I've seen how I really stink at a lot of things I thought I would be "good" at, and let me tell you it is humbling. I realize how frustrated and crippled I become when I make mistakes that I think I shouldn't be making. And this is really an issue of insecurity and a lack of trust that God is going to do His work in my life. So, this year I've learned a bit (still learning...a lot) about rolling with the punches, being ok with failure at some things, but still striving to be excellent as the apostle Paul commends in Philippians 1:10.

Fourth (and final, sorry), the Lord has worked in incredible ways to draw my heart toward world missions. Unlike any other time in my life, I sense the immense need for American Christians to go or actively (!) send to the nations that are perishing with Christ. This is a work of God, who has placed a few key things in my life to get me on board. First, I have seen more clearly than ever the emptiness of the "social gospel," people who go abroad (or stay) to relieve ONLY (and that's a VERY important word) the physical suffering of others or "save the globe" by "being green." It is no less than a religion of works, a legalism of sorts that creates a sense of justification based on something other than Christ, and it is rampant in my country today. Being green WILL NOT save anyone from eternal punishment. Yes, it is important to consider our effect on the environment, but this is an outflow of our salvation in Christ, not a means to it or something that will save others. (read Titus 3 on this point, it says it better than I have here.) Second, God has given me wonderful, amazing, incredible friends that have chosen to leave and do missions. When you know someone well and they leave, you better understand how the apostle Paul felt about the Ephesian elders as he left them, for the Philippians in his absence, for the Corinthians who were doubting him. And it drives you to your knees, which is something I cannot do too much. These friends have also challenged me to think about global missions and its importance, and for that I am very grateful. Again, I say, all glory to God who has done this great thing in my life!

So there. A post. Let's hope it's not the last for 7 months. I need to remember to keep it short and do more posts, right? Right.